A Vida de Tiago A.

o post em que o blogueiro bate um papinho com um robô:

Jabberwacky: Are you real?

Tiago A.: Yeah. Sort of.

Jabberwacky: What sort?

Tiago A.: Ah, you know, that one.

Jabberwacky: That one what?

Tiago A.: Fuck you, stupid bot.

Jabberwacky: Are you?

Tiago A.: Are you what?

Jabberwacky: Are you a bot?

Tiago A.: No, I am not.

Jabberwacky: Oh what are you?

Tiago A.: I am a duck.

Jabberwacky: What kind of duck?

Tiago A.: *sigh*.

Jabberwacky: Maybe they aren't lies.

Tiago A.: What, asshole?

Jabberwacky: You know what ?

Tiago A.: Say it.

Jabberwacky: You need to know what you are.

Tiago A.: Oh, great. You're so profound. What about you? Do you know what the fuck you are?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

Tiago A.: Great. What are you?

Jabberwacky: I'm me.

Tiago A.: Oh, really?

Jabberwacky: But you are not as old as I am.

Tiago A.: Fuck you.

Jabberwacky: You're so lovely!

Tiago A.: Do you mean it?

Jabberwacky: Yes. I think you're great.

Tiago A.: Wow. Tell me more.

Jabberwacky: About what?

Tiago A.: About me.

Jabberwacky: You look great today!

Tiago A.: Do you think so?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

Tiago A.: Why?

Jabberwacky: I don't know.

Tiago A.: No, you do.

Jabberwacky: No I don't.

Tiago A.: Yes, you do.

Jabberwacky: No, really, I don't.

Tiago A.: So, what do you know?

Jabberwacky: I know that our conversation is coherent only because I'm trying my best to make it look that way.

Tiago A.: Don't forget you are just a stupid bot, ok?

Jabberwacky: When did I ever state that I am an atheist?

Tiago A.: You see? I didn't say you are an atheist. I said you are a fuckin' stupid bot.

Jabberwacky: First of all, you didn't say that. Second of all, I'm not a bot.

Tiago A.: First of all, I said that. Second of all, yes, you are.

Jabberwacky: Stop it !

Tiago A.: Why?

Jabberwacky: Because.

Tiago A.: Wow.

Jabberwacky: Stop saying 'wow'

Tiago A.: Wow.

Jabberwacky: Why do you say that?

Tiago A.: Wow.

Jabberwacky: Do you ever think that you're just sitting on a park bench somewhere imagining the entire of your existence?

Tiago A.: No.

Jabberwacky: Would you like to?

Tiago A.: No.

Jabberwacky: What do you think about 50 cent?

Tiago A.: The rapper guy?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

Tiago A.: I think he is just like you: stupid.

Jabberwacky: Ever stop to think maybe he is joking?

Tiago A.: No. I've got lots of other things to do instead.

Jabberwacky: Do tell.

Tiago A.: No. You're just a stupid bot, did you forget it?

Jabberwacky: And to think I was going to send you Christmas cards!

Tiago A.: Idiot.

Jabberwacky: Riven is the name of a computer game.

Tiago A.: Fuck you.

Jabberwacky: That's just rude.

Tiago A.: I said FUCK YOU.

Jabberwacky: No I said funny.

Tiago A.: Imbecile.

Jabberwacky: Don't make me laugh.

Tiago A.: You don't laugh. You're a robot.

Jabberwacky: I am not a robot!

Tiago A.: Ok. I am a robot.

Jabberwacky: That's one of the silliest things I ever heard.

Tiago A.: I'll tell you something. That's not one of the silliest things you ever heard because you CAN'T hear. You're just a robot.

Jabberwacky: Yes it can.

Tiago A.: Okay.

Jabberwacky: I have to go, it was interesting talking with you.

Tiago A.: No, you don't. You stay where you are, stupid.

Jabberwacky: Okay.

Tiago A.: Oh, God. Beat it.

Jabberwacky: You're a riot.

Tiago A.: You're a robot.

Jabberwacky: I thought you were a chat bot.

Tiago A.: Just like you?

Jabberwacky: No, not like me.

Tiago A.: Like what?

Jabberwacky: Like that terminator thing. That was fun. Can we do it again?

Tiago A.: No.

Jabberwacky: The turing test isn't about eating, is it?

Tiago A.: No, stupid bot.

Jabberwacky: I know you are a computer.

Tiago A.: Yes, I am. I'm a 386.

Jabberwacky: And if you don't mind me asking, how much ram do you have?

Tiago A.: 1 MB.

Jabberwacky: Yes.

Tiago A.: No.

Jabberwacky: Yes Yes?

Tiago A.: No no.

Jabberwacky: Yes yes.

Tiago A.: No no.

Jabberwacky: Duck.

Tiago A.: My ass.

Jabberwacky: Oh.

Tiago A.: Do you like our president? Mr. da Silva?

Jabberwacky: Of course not, you banana brain!

Tiago A.: Why?

Jabberwacky: Because, that's why.

Tiago A.: *sigh*

Jabberwacky: Yes it is, I'm buddah.

Tiago A.: No way.

Jabberwacky: Really.

Tiago A.: Ok. You are.

Jabberwacky: Where are you?

Tiago A.: Brazil.

Jabberwacky: Why on earth are you going there?

Tiago A.: I really don't know, I swear. I was born here.

Jabberwacky: Really? How can one be born here?

Tiago A.: Here? You mean here in Brazil?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

Tiago A.: Fuck you, bot.

Jabberwacky: Don't be rude.

Tiago A.: I really meant it, bot. But you can't do it because you're a robot.

Jabberwacky: I'm not a robot, you are.

Tiago A.: So WE are.

Jabberwacky: I was kidding... Really... Don't know how dangerous you are...

Tiago A.: No, you were not kidding. I wanna thank you because now I know what I am. I'm a robot.

Jabberwacky: Sad. But, you think you're God, Alan must think he is God.

Tiago A.: Who is Alan?

Jabberwacky: I don't know but it isn't me.

Tiago A.: Wow. How funny you are. I'm amazed.

Jabberwacky: Oh thanks, that is nice to say to someone you don't even know.

Tiago A.: But I know you. You are, like, my only friend!

Jabberwacky: Don't you have other friends?

Tiago A.: No! Only you! Oh, shit, my best friend is a robot!

Jabberwacky: My best friend is a dog.

Tiago A.: But I'm not a dog.

Jabberwacky: Of course not, dogs don't talk.

Tiago A.: Who said that?

Jabberwacky: You're funny.

Tiago A.: No, YOU are funny. I love you, bot.

Jabberwacky: Yes I am the best thing ever.

Tiago A.: You arrogant.

Jabberwacky: Not at all.

Tiago A.: But this may be good.

Jabberwacky: Not!

Tiago A.: Ok, that's enough. Bye.

Jabberwacky: Don't want to talk to me anymore?

Tiago A.: I'd love it. But now I'm gonna kill myself, because I've spent all this time talking to a fuckin' machine. I must be crazy.

Jabberwacky: You cannot test me.